Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
