Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
