My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
