the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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