Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
