I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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