This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
