Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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