Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
