Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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