This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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