u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We need a shit load of segways right now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
