She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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