I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
