Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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