Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
