he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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