Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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