He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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