Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
