Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize