i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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