ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A+ Viking dick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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