I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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