Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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