Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
