Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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