I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
