Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize