Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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