she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no you cant smoke seaweed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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