Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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