finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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