dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
