Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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