My hand turned me down
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
