omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize