One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
