come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize