I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
