Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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