nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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