you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
