this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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