wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
