Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
