He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
