she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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