why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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