Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
