There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
