Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
