Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
