you guys were way drunker than both of me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
