I wanna bring you to show and tell
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize