dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
