Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
