walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
