all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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