why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
