if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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