Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
