..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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