Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
